I am a worrier. I ask myself, is it safe to go out? Should we get together for the holiday? Will the kids be ok at school? Am I overreacting? A regular stream of questions to start off any given day. I felt relief at the availability of vaccines, only to be met with the realization of break through cases. The result is a cycle of emotions that swings from life threatening consequences to social isolation.
I don’t have a story about one specific event. What stands out to me is the passage of time, accompanied by stress, worry, anxiety and fear. Emotions that I have little to no control over. Emotions that I know are not good for a person long term.
According to the CDC, “learning to cope with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and those around you become more resilient.” Sound advice but easier said than done.
I don’t turn on the news stations – cable, local or otherwise. I stay informed by reading accurate, trustworthy sources. Most of the time I manage the stress at a moderate level until a new outbreak, variant, or symptom rears its head and the fear, worry and anxiety come raging back. That pit in my stomach forms and I question my decisions and choices.
It seems that some people are able to accept the current reality and not let it interfere with their daily lives – they adapt, and after all, what good does worry do? Nothing, but that’s not how I’m built.
This pandemic is testing the limits of my ability to sustain stress. Thankfully I have love, family, friendship, faith, and support to lean on. Resources that keep me safe and remind me of my inner joy, hope, strength, and resilience. I may be a worrier, but I’m also a warrior.